In Dependence Day

July 4th is rapidly approaching. For most Americans, this is the celebration of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence, which saved us from generation upon generation of sub-par food and an aversion to cosmetic dentistry. However, as we sit on our large asses eating barbecue with artificial grins on our collective faces, we should stop and consider a few things….

First off, July 4th, 2012 is a Wednesday. It falls… on an effingWEDNESDAY!  I don’t give a crap who takes office in the upcoming elections, just as long as the first order of business is to make all future ‘Fourth of July’s’ fall on a Friday. I don’t even care if it’s out of order chronologically or sequentially, just make it happen on a Friday. Having Fourth of July on a Wednesday is like having a one-day weekend; it just plain sucks…

Next, most folks enjoy the concept of fireworks, and I’m going to put this out there for the parents of young children…

… I’m going to bet that you HATE them…. and I’ll bet you will hate them even more this year…

why?! …

Because nothing… NOTHING… sucks more than teenagers down the street getting a hold of a couple of M-80′s and waking up the whole damn neighborhood.. and you know that they will. Not to mention, they’re likely to misuse said fireworks and create a virtual ‘independence day’ for their hands and feet from the rest of the body, but that’s besides the point…. Let me remind you that the Fourth of July is on a WEDNESDAY, so if you are trying to keep some sort of.. I don’t know… SLEEP SCHEDULE?!?… for you and your little ones that just managed to start sleeping through the night….

… U…..R….. S-C-R-E-W-E-D!!

.. have fun waking up Thursday morning with little sleep and your little ‘sleep schedule’ ALL JACKED UP… :)

Finally, let’s just get to the point of the whole post here…

Are we really ‘independent’ nowadays? Sure, back in 1776, it was a really big deal, and I 110% agree that it’s extremely important for our country (and other countries that are/were facing similar situations) to celebrate these holidays. Today, however, if someone farts in Greece or burps in China, the entire world feels the impact. We are so intertwined with other nations that stating we are ‘independent’ is sort of comical in a way….

…. and mentioning the word ‘independence’ to parents of young children takes ‘comical’ just south of ‘maddening’….

So, next Wednesday…(sigh)…. fire up that grill, have a brew or two (but not THAT many… you have to work in the morning, remember?!), and celebrate…

…In Dependence Day.


  1. Juniper said:

    Great post! Since we’re not independent as a country, thanks at least for reminding me to celebrate my path to freedom as an independent writer…independent of a boss and having to get up on Thursday morning.

    • Chris said:

      Haha! :) Enjoy!

  2. Great post, and yeah, we have the same issue with Aus Day – although it seems to be ‘normal’ to just take the next day aswell, Independence.. more like inter-dependent :)

    • Chris said:

      Haha! :) Inter-dependent would work too, but figured I’d make the whole ‘we really need other countries more than we let on’ point… and yes, I’d probably take the next day off from work if I had more V time, but I’ll probably just enjoy the fact that the office will be pretty empty next week :) lol

  3. Our dog has to be locked in his crate because he pees every time a firework goes off… On the plus side, my daughter is at a fun age for mispronunciations. So, I’m kinda looking forward to what she says about ireworks and lags and what not…

    New slogan: Drink ’cause it’s Wednesday!

    • Chris said:

      Love the new slogan! :) I’m sorry to hear about the dog peeing due to fireworks… urination for the nation, I suppose ;) I hope that your daughter enjoys the ireworks, and thanks for stopping back! :)

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