10 Reasons Why Spanking Should Always Be Legal

Needless to say, spanking is a very controversial topic amongst parents out there. Some parents feel that they should be able to decide what’s best for their children, and others feel that all forms of spanking (or, ‘corporal punishment’, as the opponents of spanking often call it) should be outlawed.

Personally, I feel that there is a fine line of what ‘acceptable’ spanking is (which is to say, I’m one of those parents that feels that it’s ‘ok’ to spank their children if other methods of discipline have failed – I know, I know ‘unfollow’ me now..) and what is considered ‘unacceptable’. I, for one, am not legally obligated to make that decision.

However, I do feel that lawmakers should make it perfectly acceptable to spank adults that need it. Being a parent of three young children, I don’t have time (nor the patience) to deal with other adults and their rotten behaviors, nor would I expect them to deal with mine. Here’s a list of ten reasons why we should ‘keep spankin”:

1) Not using your turn signal when merging – If you do not use your turn signal when merging in front of me, I should have the right to pull you over and spank you.

2) Being too picky – My wife was at Panera Bread the other day. The lady in front of her asked for a scone. The Panera employee took said scone and was about to place it in a bag, when the lady said ‘No. No. No. THAT scone!’, pointing to the same flavor of scone, but a different one. That deserves a spanking by the Panera employee, and by the folks in the queue behind the lady.

3) People that walk too slow at the mall – Read your crowd. If everyone is moving their ass, move your ass. If not, you should be spanked.

4) People that walk too close behind you at the mall – If they are ‘tailgating’ you, and they don’t walk around you, spank ‘em. If they are a ‘mall walker’ (not the slower ones, but are power walking as if they’re training for some ‘Mall Olympics’) spank ‘em twice.

5) People that wear black socks up to their knees under the age of 68 – If our government isn’t going to employ actual ‘fashion police’, then we should be able to spank ‘em. No, you are not Kobe. No, you are not Dwight. Spanked? Perhaps!

6) Jerry Sandusky – Although he’d probably like that…. hmmm….

7) Greece – Line ‘em up, and spank the hell out of the whole country.

8) The 1% – Spank ‘em!

9) The 99% – Nah, they’ve been spanked enough. . .

10) The entire Peg-Perego Company – For creating a stroller so infuriating that I wish nothing but to destroy it.

Am I missing anything?

  1. I personally wish I could spank anyone who wears those faux tuxedo/tie shirts to formal events.

    • Chris said:

      I’m right there with you. Spanking, followed by a gift certificate to Men’s Wearhouse.

    • LWSpotts said:

      Unless it’s worn in the ironic sense, in which case it should get applause.

      • Chris said:

        Yeah – that’s true too. I suppose the spanker could put it to a vote. DSP – Democratic Spanking Process :)

  2. Chris said:

    Hi Casey – You know, I totally forgot about the dog poop. We live in a development where every quarter, they send out a crappy newsletter (basically telling us that we are all schmucks and that we all need to follow the dog poop rules). There are people in our development that won’t pick up the poop and the bags and canister are about 6 yards away. I’m with you there!

    LOL on the dinner for 392 :-) I’m with you there!

  3. haha…you are so right…you forgot about dog owners who don’e get their dog’s poop out of your yard…and crazy men who like to ride loud motorcycles around a small neighborhood at 2 am on a school night…and the fauxbos on the side of the road begging for money as their profession (just spank ‘em if you think they are)…the people who order dinner for their family of 392…in the drive thru….ughh….the list is endless, really.

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