Friday Night Pumpkin Carving

For many of you, Friday nights are the time to unwind. For my wife and I, there’s a sliver of time from when the kids go to bed until when we go to bed (about 17 minutes) where we can relax, unwind, watch TV, whatever. However, as per usual, there’s always some sort of ‘thing to flippin’ do’ during those 17 minutes. This week, it was CARVING THE DAMN PUMPKIN!! Here’s how I did it:

Step 1: Clean off all the shit from the kitchen table. We're definitely going to need a bigger table... soon....

Step 2: After you realize how much this might suck, call in the Captain. Get ice into a glass, and fill up the glass with Captain as shown (use more if necessary).

Step 3: Put garbage bags all over the table. Get the pumpkin on the table, along with your beverage and pumpkin kit from Target.

Step 4: It doesn't hurt to get some 'Tebowing' in there...

Step 5: Aawww balls. The original template is too big for the pumpkin. It says that I could use a photocopier to adjust the size of the template (hahahahah!!!! Not doing that...)

Step 6: Take the edge off from the 'template incident'..

Step 7: Tried this other template which represents how I feel every morning. Tape here, fold here... F' it, I'm not going to use any of the templates. Time to improvise...

Step 8: Get all of the crap out of the pumpkin.

Step 9: Trace your own pattern on there. Throw out the book of useless templates (they all sucked anyway..)

Step 10: Light that bad boy up. Boom. Pumpkin.

  1. I’m always a big fan of improvising the pumpkin design, those templates are always a bit lame, and I can’t even imagine trying to tape it onto something round and lumpy.

    • Chris said:

      Agreed. Keeping it simple keeps my blood pressure lower :)

  2. chantel said:

    Hilarious! But the pumpkin turned out great despite the templates – I hate those too – never work the way you want them to and really who the hell has a proper photocopier in their house?? Your whole pumpkin ritual looked a bit like mine ha, ha

    • Chris said:

      Thanks Chantel! As if I had a Xerox machine floating around, right? :) My pumpkin looked similar to last year’s, but I must say that the basic look is always a safe (and effective) bet. Happy Halloween!!

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